Shawna

Dee,


What a wonderfuly insperational speach you gave! I would love to learn more from you! How did you cope with this and raise your 2 boys? I struggle daily to find a balance between myself, my son and my husband! And most days it seems the mental emotional balance is what I struggle the most with! Dont get me wrong the pain is hurindous at times ok so most of the time since they havent found anything yet that works for me the one that worked the longest 3 months was cymbalta. But I cant control the pain I cant say pain go away! What I can do is learn to hide it a bit better and maybe even find ways to enjoy life again! My little boy is the greatest thing in the world and I do everything in my power to make sure he never once feels that I am angry or upset with him when I am in pain. But on the flip side of that coin putting all that energy into hiding it from my 2 year old leaves me on EMPTY when it comes to my husband and since my son was born he has been pushed so far out of my life and even my sons because I just could not handle 2 people I am just not realizeing that I am the one that pushed my husband away and I am the reason that he has went about his life as if nothing had changed when indeed it did we had a child born 8 weeks premature and my neuropathy gets worse and worse every passing day. For the last 2.5-3 years when my pain got to the point that I gave up and just didnt do anything hardly I slept ate and when my son was born cared for him and shuffeld him back and forth to his various dr apts. All the while my husband was still working going fishing, going to the shooting range ect. And for the longest time I blamed him I told him that he ignors us or he pretends like he is still a single man. He continued living while I turned our home into my prision. And I was very angry with him and blamed him for all of it. We even ended up seeing marriage councler it didnt help. Because I wasnt ready to admit my problems yet. And honestly I am just now realizing how hard it must have been for my husband to be alinated from his wife )we had only eachother for the first 4 years of marriage) and also pushed away from his 1st son. I was so incredibly over protective of my little boy when he was born and am still that way to tell the truth, that I bairly trusted my husband to hold him or feed him. Every time there was the slightes cry I would go running took me a long time to stop doing that but I evenutaly forced myself to go to another part of the house and let them have some time together and I would force myself not to go running at the slighest cry. I do belive that I am still a little to over protective by hey he is my one and only child 2nd pregnancy and it took us from oct 2003 untill his birthday July 26, 2007 to get him! And I know with out a doubt that if anything happend to him I wouldnt survive it! I am thinking I may have to print this out and let my husband read it. Maybe it will help mend the gap I have made between him and me!

ok anyhow rambeling please Id like to hear more from you or anyone that has any advice on rasiing young children and coping with pain!

Something else I realized when I was reading is that all of us say no one can understand us but us and others like us! I havent checked yet but Maybe we should create a support group linked to this one for the family of "us" to go and talk with one another and share there flusterations and tips and trick on how to handle the many moods that come with the pain of a loved one?!?!?!?



Shawna